Rossi. White Flag. Half Pole.

Oh, my sweet, handsome kitty-cat. Rossi, named after his dad's favorite rider Valentino Rossi, with 'Bengal Tiger' spots on white fur. Rossi, whom I watched being born at Ajai's. Rossi, with his inconceivably soft fur and his neurotic habits, Rossi, who'd sleep by the TV in our family room.
March 26, 2006. Me and B were sitting about the living room. Got called from Angel Clinic. Rossi is dead.. alone in his ward cage last night.

Suddenly I felt the whole world fell on me. No more tears running since i've prepared for any consequences.. It's all my fault!. Not to send him earlier to vet, even thou i noticed the changes already. He got holes on his stomach, and i didn't see it!. No idea where is it came from.. It's already infected. Just sent him last Thursday.

The doctor diagnosed him, and he told me that he will do whatever he can to save him.. even tho it looks quite difficult. Rossi really fight for his life, and after 3 days, his liver starts to fail. A sign of Jaundicme appears in his eyes. SO the doctor called me to just be prepared....
I started bawling. I was screaming, I kept failing to believe that my cat had been so abruptly removed from my life.

Somehow his death affected me as drastically. He was not "just a cat". He was a family member, a part of my everyday life. Soon after I'd go to bed, he'd walk in circles around my bed, and I'd pet him as I read my book. There was always a pile of his white fur around the space, one that remained there for a month despite frantic vacuuming.

I have since accepted his death, but I often have trouble understanding it. Slowly, I'm learning the transitory and ephemeral nature of life, realizing the passage of time. Things come, things go. Time is the human experience, and yet we keep trying, desperately grasping, to hold on to the past. Meanwhile, I still dream about Rossi sometimes, alive, wandering my house.

And you know what's the most thing I regret right now?.. Not to have his picture even one.... Waaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!