Trouble is her only friend, and he's back again..

Mood: Very, very dark

Felt dark today. A very dark feeling.
I lost both of them. Someone has taken them away from me. Who's to be blamed?

Me, of course. It's just too late... tooo late. Even a snail think faster than me.

Moral of the story: If you really wanted something so badly in your life, don't ever give yourself a chance of second thought. Ever.
I lost the twin babies bidding which supposed to be mine on June. One couple had taken the mother & will nurse her till the labour time. I'm a freak!.

Nauzubillah..sabar..sabar Nana.....

Currently listening to: Carry you home - James Blunt

A Manic Monday

Dress: Company shirt. Shoes: Black pump. Calories: 1800 (not so good). JDM5: 1. Mood: Scary

A very bad start. Shud I say I started the day with a rueful smile? Or a freakin’ piss feeling?. Woke up late today. Alarm yelled at 5.30 as usual, but my eyelids opened only at 6.20. Dragging my feet blindly to the bathroom, I wondered why did I dreamt about Jerry last night?.. Hmmm..so weird. I’d given him a packet of JDM5 to administer his fever, instead of panadol. Stupid yet funny dream, with no specific objective to ponder.

Jump into my baby at 7.19am. Started to search for the portable mp3 player, but nowhere to be found. What the... . Ok..Ok..calm down..breath..breath… but arrgggghh!! Cannot!.
Really felt like to scream out & loud, as that player is the only source of relieve to go through traffic depressions every morning. To make it worse, this is Monday, and I hate Mondays (you know this song?). Why laaa people like to touch things but dunno how to put it back where it belong?... Duhhh!.

Stuck in the car for 1 ½ hours with unfinished feelings, I don’t feel pretty today. Plus the bad clutch system that made my mood worsened. My knees cried for mercy, I guess. Reached office basement at 8.30. White panicked face, I ran to the lift. Guess what?. Lift problem pulak. At this moment I think I’m gonna throw up in front of that metal box. With almost zero spirit, I climbed the stairs at best effort. Stepped into the office with a tight face, unable to smile to anybody.
In desperate needs to listen to Enya songs today..La la la…laaaaa. …. Maybe can relax a bit.

Told Jerry about the dream this morning. “Hah! No wonder aku rasa slim pagi ni. Nampak breakfast terus xde selera!”. Cettt..

Currently listening to : Wild Child – Enya

I love Mrs Fafau (Fara Fauzana jgn perasan ye..)

9Dress: Mersing shirt. Shoes: Silver flat pump. Calories: Oooo thousands!!!!. JDM5: zero. Mood: Happy.

Attended an extra class by Mrs Fafau, my beloved Economics lecturer this morning. Today’s class is merely a revision class + Q&A session prior to final exam next week. The class held in Kolej Kenanga. So I drove happily to UiTM, sing sang along the way. Entered Kolej Chempaka, which supposed to have Kolej Kenanga on the left side. Turned left, went straight and I ended up in front of dewan makan & lines of tempat sidai baju (ampaian). Where the hell is this?..
Turned out to be that I have followers behind, my classmates which I don’t even know their names are. So after shameful discussions under the tree (since being watched by curious eyes of Kenangarian’s, we were just like hopeless tourists, lost in their own country), we’ve decided to move our gypsy team to another block, in search of that Room 5, Kolej Kenanga (as per Mrs Fafau sms).
Wait.. found another gypsies turning to another junction. Decided to follow the trail, finally we reached the class. Mrs Fafau apologized a lot for totally forgotten to put Kolej Kenanga ‘4’, instead she only mentioned Kolej Kenanga in her sms. Well, Kolej Kenanga is a big, big country, ma’am. Ehehe.
The class started a bit late due to these nonsenses. She’s very funny & brilliant as usual. We did revisions that covered the topic targeted to be in the final exam. The best thing, she remembered me!.. of all people..me??
Should send flowers to her in near time. As a token of gratitude, plus the message “ Puan, jgn lupekan saya masa mark paper nnt yer.. Puan sgt chantek”.
Hmm..brilliant.

Tak nak kawan Chong

As I planned yesterday, I went to Chong, my brilliant car doctor, to oversee the problem with my satria's clutch. Guessed I knew what the problem already, which means I have to dispense another few hundred bucks & hand it to Chong with the sweetest+painful smile. Once I parked my baby inside the workshop, the doctor greeted me with a big grin from far. "aiyoh.. he still recognize me hehe.. no discount ka Chong?" but the sound refused to get out from my mouth, only lingering stupidly in my brain. So..no discount.
After 'godek sana' 'godek sini' plus checking the God-knows-what cable, he did a mental calculation to figure out how much does it cost. "Itu.. Deiki Japan (I think so) clutch pad 1 set RM350, plus clutch cable RM70, dlm RM420. Ok ka kakak?". I swallowed painfully but remained calm & at peace..cehhh!. Hubby did told me the good clutch set will scratch your pocket a bit. So I guess thats it. "Ok Chong, proceed jer laa. Drpd aku lumpuh minggu depan, baik buat jer skrg".
"Aisey kakak, today cannot lar.. x sempat. Next week can ahh?"...
I think swallowed a fly, and I'm gonna cry.

When love and hate collide

Dress: Purple Kebaya. Shoes: 4-years old Bata cream heels. JDM5 1 packet. Calories: 2200 (damn!). Mood: mixed

So today I'm wearing my purple kebaya. It's been a long time since I last wear it. Everything looks ok, except for my pimples which growing happily on my face. Reached office quite early today, 8.15am. On my way to pantry, somebody laughed at me for wearing this dress. Hmm..I couldn't care less. My confidence level is just as high as my 3 inch heels.

Dont know why I'm so pissed off with my boss. I thought earlier that I'm the one who's having this mental problem, but turn out to be all my colleague in the team felt the same way. Its not that I hate stammers, but I hate stammers who pretended to be fuckingly bossy & brilliant, yet have no idea what the world is all about.

So, the asst boss suggested us to vote for 'undi tak percaya'. Can ahh?...

Somethin' Stupid

I nearly put Carimin on my shit list on having an office in a damnable area. The super crazy traffic jam started from Puchong till Jalan Tun Razak, caused by a heavy downpour early this morning. My leg numbed from top to bottom. Seriously need a car change, or I’ll be wheel chaired before 50.

Have you ever been in love?

I love Economics. I love my lecturer, and because of her, suddenly I have a new ambition. To become a lecturer just like her!. Haha.. I'm sooo in love with her teaching style.. witty, funny, brilliant etc..etc.. But what's the drawback?. Age of course, plus the slowness of brain maturity to think that the lecturing/teaching career has already in the blood of my family. Well, what do u expect, at the tender age of 15, I already have a dream bigger than the world (during that time lah!), and it has nothing to do with a teaching career. And where it leads me now?, .. Hmmm.. no regret, I still have long journey to go.

Totally not eligible to participate in 'Tenaga Pengajar Muda' scheme anymore. Takpe lah... huhu..

I plan to score A+ for this paper (so confident, yet so poyo!...khikhi)